Judie

Don’t we all. I think that’s part of the creative artist psychology. When I was in college, I came across a psychology book while researching for a paper. They had followed a large group of people from birth into late middle age (whatever that is). At birth they gave them EEGs to record brain waves and they found that the babies who later went on to become creative artists of any type (art, drama, writing, music) had a much greater percentage of a certain type of brain signal that causes negative thoughts, the kind that cause self doubt and depression. They said that signal flashed through their brains at a much higher rate (something like 4-8 times as often). As those babies grew older, their psychological profiles showed them to be less confident, more depressed, etc. Obviously the babies weren’t actually thinking, “I suck” or anything, so why did those “negative thought” brain waves flash through their brains constantly? They didn’t know. Like everything else, they figured it was mostly genetic.

The experiment said the percentage of suicide was much higher for the creative artists, even the highly successful ones, and they felt it had to do without those brain waves, rather than life circumstances. That made me think of the Barrymores family–many talented actors and a high incidence of suicide.

For those lucky writers who don’t suffer from self doubt (I don’t like them), let’s just say they’re not as creatively artistic as we are!

You and I will have to remain the “unlucky” writers who do suffer self-doubt. On the other hand, complacency just isn’t a part of my personality, nor do I expect it’s part of yours. We both work too hard at our craft.