angst (ängkst) n. A feeling of anxiety or apprehension often accompanied by depression

I’m starting to understand why writers are always so melancholy. Angst is their constant companion, a shadow that stalks their every move. But what is its origin?

Just imagine a job where:

You work odd hours. Two hours one day, twenty the next, or days where you can’t work at all.

You seldom receive feedback on your performance. Unless, of course, it’s below par. Then you receive plenty in the form of xeroxed notes that don’t really tell you why your work doesn’t meet standards, just that it doesn’t.

You take it with you everywhere you go. Characters talk to you at the strangest times, especially times when you need to be concentrating on something else. There is no way to turn off their incessant chatter, often making a writer feel she has tendencies toward schizophrenia.

Your success is entirely out of your control. The only part of the publishing process within your power is writing a fantastic story. Everything else happens out of range of your senses and between people who are extraordinarily busy and cannot compulsively email you every five minutes to tell you how things are progressing.

Is it any wonder writers have so much angst?

I am trying to rein in my own rampant glum by writing. The irony of the situation is that the cause is also the cure. I concentrate on shaping new stories that I hope will please others, especially editors. By honing my craft, I keep my mind sharp, my imagination nimble, and my melancholy thoughts busy enough they are somewhat harnessed.

Back to the keyboard!

A few thoughts on Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows…

What a fitting send-off for the series! I don’t think I was surprised by any of Rowling’s twists and turns. But, then again, I plot books. I’m not meaning for that to sound flippant, I’m just being honest. The author stuck with her vision and delivered a story that pleased faithful fans. I could not have asked for more.

I especially appreciated the Epilogue — the one thing I believe truly “makes” a story. You can’t just quit. A good author will not only tie up any loose ends, but will leave the reader craving more. Rowling does both beautifully.

For writers, there is so much more to the Harry Potter series than exists for readers. J.K. Rowling received rejection after rejection telling her this was not a story people would want to read. I applaud her tenacity and her belief in what she had written — in what she could write. Every writer should be so resolute.

I am now in a place where the faint-hearted writers give up. The waiting room. I can see why many just say, “To Hell with it,” and throw in the towel. Trying to wait patiently while a person far away makes an important decision on your career is nerve-wracking, to say the least. As if the wait isn’t bad enough, then often comes the rejection. What person in her right mind would put herself through this on purpose? Ah… that’s the question!

I think all writers have a form of insanity. Look at what we put ourselves through in order to reach our dream.

The glitz of Dallas has worn off.

I’m back to my daily routine. Writing. Reading. Checking the net. I am such a creature of habit.

One of my new story ideas has really taken over my thoughts. I’m always happy when that happens. I can’t sleep, can’t watch TV, can’t sink into a good book. I love it! This story has been lurking in the recesses of my mind since Christmas Eve mass. (I know. I get story ideas at the oddest times. Ask my hubby.) Picture a faith healer who isn’t a scam artist. She’s the genuine article. Then picture a tenacious reporter who loves exposing grifters. So far, the storyline seems to be working well, and I’m honestly content with the first hundred pages.

I miss my critique group so much!! We haven’t met in a long time. Judith read the prologue of the faith healer book and seemed to like it. But other than that, I’m flying solo. My mother has been kind enough to step up as my main beta reader. She’s so wonderful to take the time to help me. My only misgiving is that I sometimes — translate often — change things midstream, and I want her to see the best I have to offer.

Judie taught me to “Shrek” every chapter. My writing evolves in layers. Like an onion — or an ogre. I put a laptop under my fingers and pour out the barebones of the story. Then I let it grow, adding appropriate character thoughts and feelings or describing the setting. Each chapter gets at least five passes with changes. And even then, I’m not always satisfied. I could probably go back over all my work and change it, even if it didn’t need changing. I seriously need to learn to walk away and let the work speak for itself.

Being a writer and being a perfectionist can be very, very frustrating.

I just flew back from Dallas, and boy my arms are tired… Sorry! Couldn’t resist.

Here’s what I did at the RWA National Convention:

I met several of my idols. Hannah Howell. Sherilyn Kenyon. Lynsay Sands. The literacy book signing was unbelieveable. Authors of all shapes and sizes. I tried to keep my drooling down to a minimum. I found it amusing that I purchased two books I already owned. But I wanted autographs, and it was for an excellent cause.

I listened to people who know the craft tell me how my writing can improve. The workshops were informative and exciting. They left me with a thirst to write. Of course, I’m usually thirsty enough, but… It was invigorating. I also was blessed with two new story ideas.

I met lots and lots and lots of new people. An empath. Several award winning authors. And women just like me who have a dream and are chasing it over hill and yon. New friends. New acquaintances. Plus, the people-watching was irresistable. Of course, being me, every time I sat down just to watch the world go by, I always ended up talking to people. Then more people would gather. Those of you who know me will understand. I tend to gather crowds. (Translate: I’m loud and talk to everyone.) Not sure if that’s good or bad, but… I never sat more than a few minutes without starting a conversation.

I had my first editor pitch and lived to tell the tale. I was very pleased because she not only remembered my name, but she remembered the name of my manuscript. I passed her a million times after that. Getting coffee. At a luncheon. At the awards ceremony. I hope she knows it was pure coincidence. I wasn’t stalking her or anything.

I found out you can take the teacher out of the school, but you can’t take the school out of the teacher. I went to walk through Dealy Plaza and to take a plethora of pictures of the grassy knoll. A couple of Asian men were asking questions about the JFK assassination. I, being the informative and totally opinionated person I am, regaled them with my take on the murder. Their friends joined them, and I gave the five of them a nice ten minute history lesson. Then I turned around and realized that there were twenty-some people gathered behind me listening. I think a few people applauded. Good heavens, was my face red.

I connected with several of my chapter sisters. Kay — you are the perfect roommate! Thank you! Gay and Dottie, I truly enjoyed that hour-plus we spent chatting over beer. I hope I didn’t talk your ears off! Judith — I couldn’t have made it through the plane rides or the entire week without you! Nancy — thanks for making me feel included! I’ll never forget that dinner at Dick’s. Peggy — thanks for keeping an eye on the newbie! Bethany, Ellie, Alicia, Adrienne, Natalie, Leshia, Kelly — it was wonderful to spend time with all of you! And Judie — I missed you more than you could know!

So, all in all, it was time well spent. The conference is in San Francisco next year. California, here I come!

According to the message boards of her website, Kathleen Woodiwiss passed away on July 6th.

For those of you who are romance fans, you will mourn her the way I am. Ms. Woodiwiss defined romance for me. Her books were moving, evocative, and well-written. I have read and re-read them so many times that I have memorized the words.

I remember being in those wonderfully ridiculous years of adolescence and reading The Flame and the Flower and The Wolf and the Dove thinking about how absolutely romantic life would be. If you would ask me which of her books is my favorite, I would change my answer often. The way she took the story of Beauty and the Beast and adapted it in A Rose in Winter, I often think that story is my favorite. But then again, Shanna is a wonderfully rich adventerous story much like the original Pirates of the Caribbean.

For those of us who write romance, we could greatly benefit from having the same dedication to the craft as she showed. Ms. Woodiwiss’s books were strong on plot, rich in characters, and always a joy to read. I could think of no greater compliment to my work than to have just one person feel about my stories the way I feel about all of hers.

I am greatly saddened by her passing, and I send out my thoughts and prayers to her family.

I’m going to my first RWA national convention!

I’m heading south next week to attend the RWA convention in Dallas. I am thrilled, terrified, and a tad overwhelmed by everything there will be to see and do while I’m there.

I was told it helps to get involved by volunteering, so I am scheduled to help time agent/editor appointments. I really enjoyed doing that at our chapter’s conference, so it will be a nice way to pass the time. The rest of the conference I’m playing “up in the air.” There are just so many things to do and so many people to meet, I will probably run around with my eyes as big a saucers and my jaw dragging the ground. I’ll try to be a little more subtle than that.

So, off I go, feeling very grown-up and hoping good things come from the adventure.